Monday, May 24, 2010

A picture can flicker

A picture is worth a thousand words. [As the ever so popular phrase goes.]
[No, this photo is not the one I'm referring to. It just fits this blog well.]

Tonight, I got angry. Really angry. Angry enough that I had such a deep desire to punch someone. enough to make them bleed. Not a random person, and honestly, not just one person.
Sometimes my mind gets so full of rage I have a hard time resuming myself from this angry... fixation.
Instead I compile scenarios of what I'm going to do now that I am angry. I suppose to get revenge.
Thankfully I was interrupted.
And you know who interrupted this... mere feeling/thought...

God, of course.
He repeated: Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Do you think I wanted to hear this? HECK NO!!!
I wanted to hurt somebody. I wanted to emotionally tear someone apart.
And to think, I saw a simple photo that set my anger ablaze. Not even something purposed to upset me, but I let myself get overwhelmed with angry from the memories of past anger by simple seeing a photo.

Although I still felt this anger, I forced myself to look up the scripture. 1 Corinthians 13:6
1 Corinthians 13 is all about love, God's Unconditional Agape Love.
And even though I still felt these feelings, I set my focus on love, His love! And then I remembered a quote that I cannot quote who said, but it's stuck with me for many years.
"Hate is easy, Love takes courage."
Now, I don't know how you feel, but I would like to live life courageously, not easy. [the lion would agree with me.]
The great thing about feelings is that they can be tamed. [And not tamed by man very well.] Once I stopped focusing on why I was angry, and what I could do to satisfy my anger.. and I started to look to help from God.. I started feeling better. I calmed down, and was able to put out the anger flame. I will not be controlled by my flesh. I would like to live out of my spirit. And the only way I can do that is by letting God handle my flesh issues, while I focus on His love, His grace, His mercy, His peace, His wisdom, and His comfort.
So if you find yourself, angry, sad, or whatever feeling that makes it hard to feel "loving"...
Surrender. Let God handle the mess, focus on Him, worship Him, love on Him. And as you take in the awesomeness of God's awesomeness [lol..totally a word, my spell check says so.] He will deal with your anger, sadness, etc... Trust that God knows what He's doing, without your help.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I've officially had my first night in Orlando. My room is small and I've got no closet, so I'm managing. I've got about 3 boxes left to unpack, two of those being clothes I need to hang. I managed to reassemble my two portable closets, but I know they're put together wrong. haha. I ended up with two extra pieces, and they're difference heights. I'm contemplating taking them apart and trying to reassemble them, though it will be a pain. But once I hang my clothes I will have some more space, and I may try and rearrange some. I don't have a bed yet, I'm hoping to get a job first [and soon!] before I spend money on a bed. I want a full, though looking at the size of my room I may get a twin. [yuck!] Currently I've got a sleeping bad a a few blankets on the ground that I'm sleeping on. I'm getting used to the wall color of my room, it's this weird dull yellow green color. It looks much better with my stuff in here than it did when it was empty. The bathroom is nice, clean and the shower has good water pressure. The kitchen is quite large, though I haven't gone shopping yet so I'm a bit short on food as of now.
This morning I woke up for church. Online church. I didn't have the guts to attend a church yet. I've found a few I'm interested in online. Yet they're between 15 and 30 minutes away. Sometimes running into 2 tolls. This is different for me. I'm used to attending church that take me about two minutes to get to. [Minus Movement youth]  I watched the online service for Discovery Church today. [] They're good, but the message series right now is about being burned by a church. And I have not been. [a good friend told me this analogy] It's important to still attend church somewhere even if you've been burned. It's like if you get burned in kitchen, that doesn't mean you stay out of the kitchen, you'll starve. Besides, you're there for the food, not the kitchen. And maybe you don't go back to the same pot or stove you got burned on [same church], but going back to get fed is important. And it may not be easy, but it will make you stronger.
Discovery church has a few campus's, two in particular I'd attend, the closer one which is 15min away, and the further but main campus which is 30min away..and the faster way has 2 tolls.
The other church I'm looking into is called Cross Pointe [] they're 30min away also, with 2 tolls for the fast way. They're both non-denominational. And I'll continue looking for a good church to make sure I'm where God wants me to be.
This attending church without someone I know there will be different. Though I know it will help me grow stronger.
So things have changed, and all I can do is embrace it. Wish me luck. =J